I hadn’t done one of these in a while. Sorry to anyone who’d hoped for more sooner…if any of those people exist. Here is the latest of the Angry Hippie Comics! Volume 3

Okay. So the tomatoes were pulled and the people were scared into submitting to a tomatoeless existence until the CDC gives the all clear for the masses to remove our heads from the sand and put the other “t” back in our TLT sandwiches (the first “t” is for Tempeh…that’s common right?). Anyway, back on track. But after months and months, the threat is still out there and over a 1,000 have become ill from eating tainted veggies.

Scrambling to make sense of this outbreak, the CDC (in their infinite wisdom) have now added raw jalapeños and Serrano peppers to the potentially infected foods that consumers need to be wary of for now. Though to be fair, Serrano peppers were only added to the warning because most consumers can’t tell the difference between them. So now jalapeños have become tainted in this outbreak. And just exactly how did these vegetables become contaminated in the first place? Why it’s from animal feces tainted water supplies being used to water the plants.

But here’s the thing. What if this was planned? I know, I know. I sound like a conspiracy-minded dietary extremist hippie, but just follow me here. Several years ago, Congress passes legislation that will guarantee that all produce sold in America will not only be heavily sprayed with toxic pesticides that were once banned (and in some countries, they still are banned!), but they will also all be irradiated to guard against infection. Even the organic veggies. Now, not only will this seriously damage the food supply in America, and strip the vegetables of all of their nutritional value, but it will endanger the people. Both with the increased toxicity of our groundwater run-off and of our air as these chemicals are sprayed.

So there is outrage. And there are people who are standing against this changing tide…but nothing is done. Except, for suddenly in the past couple of years we’ve had serious outbreaks of food-borne illnesses among the vegetables. And the people are afraid. Less outrage, more frightened people looking for answers. Well, suddenly the largest of these outbreaks takes place a year before this legislation is set to take effect. Coincidence? Probably…but again, go with me.

Suddenly when the public hears of these harsher sprays to cleanse and protect their vegetables and the irradiating that will kill any bacteria on our veggies, do you think they will think about the negatives, or do you think they will sigh a breathe of relief thinking back to these mysterious vegetable illness outbreaks and go right along with this bullshit, possibly manufactured, scenario. I say, mysterious, because it’s weird how plants get tainted with an animal based infectious bacteria, almost as if it was intentional.

Who stands to gain from this? The folks that always do. Big Business.

The chemical manufacturers that can charge whatever elevated prices they want, since the processes are mandatory by law (which will further add costs to small farmers who can’t afford these new supplies and then have to sell out to the larger conglomerate farms, but I’m sure that’s just an accidental side-effect to this necessary solution for safe foods). Big Pharma who will naturally reap the rewards of the increased toxicity and the rewards of people having to buy vitamin supplements to replace the vitamins and minerals there foods will no longer contain (oops, again. Damn, irradiating, oh well, in the name of safety).

Maybe to truly be safe, we need to stop spraying more lethal substances on our foods. And we need to dismantle the Meat and Dairy industries, whose unsafe and careless behaviors and practices have polluted and tainted the water sources to begin with and caused these contaminations to spread (Not to mention it’s just good for your soul). Maybe we need to stop catering to the corporation’s yearnings for earnings and focus on keeping the water, soil, and air safe for us and our food supply.

Okay, so the passed couple days have been rare to say the least. In specifics, due to the combination of ignorance (Colorado hillbilly mentality) and bumper stickers (a staple of the American roadway). Now I love a good bumper sticker, in fact, I’ve got a couple of favs, one of which (possibly the combo set) set off my favorite kind of redneck response…the classic “go back where you came from!” called out from a van that pulled next to me as we sped down the road. This brings me to our first stop along the bitchfest.

Okay, fuckwit, let’s go. You gave me little opportunity to fire back anything at you as you sped away, but you didn’t know one thing…(well, I’m sure that’s a huge understatement, but anyway) I’m an angry hippie…with a blog. I tend not to let shit go. Now I assume you can read, because you saw the Missouri tags on my car and properly pronounced Missouri as you bade me to go back there. I also assume that you can read, because, I’ve concluded that it had to be something about one of the stickers you read on my car that upset you so. (Perhaps you are just a Missouri hating asshat, or worse just a hater of anyone not from “your” area) So I am only hoping that with some magic twist of fate you find your way to reading this. For here, on this soapbox, I’m taking a moment just for you today.

Now I know, that I have made some broad assumptions, and you’re probably saying that if I assume, I only make an ass out of you and me. But you were already an ass so I have no qualms with that, and I’m always fine and fucking dandy making an ass out of myself…sometimes I’m bored. So we’ll take the literacy assumptions as read, and move on.

So what was it that made you so angry? Or was it all of my bumper stickers that made you see red? “Keep Abortion Legal”, “If you’re not outraged, then you aren’t paying attention”, or “When the rapture comes, we’ll have the place all to ourselves” (complete with Pentagrams). I don’t know which one did it for you, or didn’t to be more correct. Or again, did the combination just prove to be overwhelming and too much? Just trying to figure out what kind of closed-minded fuckwit I got a hold of…I guess it doesn’t really matter. You’re a fuckwit any way you slice it. I mean, come on! “Go back to Missouri!”? Really? Grant it, my thumbs up back to you, probably wasn’t the best comeback, but I figure it probably burned your ass real good.

“Go back to Missouri!” Trust me, I’m tempted. At least back in Missouri they know how to do redneck aggression right! Not like you cliche`d Coloradan colorless commentators. “Go back to…” What an ass…and I’m not actually from Missouri, so goes to show you D’oh Sixpack, don’t believe everything you read.

Our second stop was someone else’s bumper sticker that I read, that I wanted to comment on. Yet another winner, this one read, “Treat Liberals Gently, They Are Frightened By Reason.” I took issue with this. It’s simply not true. We aren’t frightened by ‘reason’, but I can see why you’d think that (well, ‘think’ might be a bit strong a word, but we’ll leave it for now). It’s not reason that we are afraid of, it’s YOUR reasoning that frightens us. Or generally, when any conservative tries to use reason, cause we just know that it’s not going to end pretty….or reasonably. Face it, you’re just not good at it. It’s okay, you tried something new, it didn’t work, so move on. Just go do what it is that you all do best. Fuck things up for the rest of us.

Perhaps a more accurate bumper sticker would read “Treat Conservatives Gently, They’re Easily Provoked By Logic.” You see, that’s a funny bumper sticker, because it plays off your crap one, and it’s just so true that it’s humorous. Now I know that some will say that I just can’t take a joke, and to you I say this. Fuck you! I can take a fucking joke. Suck my sack!

It just so happens that I can a joke if it’s funny…this, not so much. It’s just symptomatic of a pandemic problem that we have in this country. The overtly hypocritical pot calling out the kettle. The conservatives in this country have acted and behaved without reason (or sense) for years now, and I’ve had my fucking fill! So let’s really look at this.
REASON
1. the mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences. - (Yeah right…mental powers.)
2. sound judgment; good sense. - (Please!)
3. normal or sound powers of mind; sanity. - (Missed it by that much…)
4. Logic. a premise of an argument. - (Since the Conservative arguments have been lie based propaganda filled sound bites lately, their premise isn’t one of logic or reason, just bigotry and greed. So this one doesn’t apply either.)
5. to think or argue in a logical manner. - (Conservatives lately, with their scare-tactic politics have effectively mounted two kinds of social debates as of late. The First - OH MY GOD IS THAT A BOMB!?!, oh no it’s not, sorry, what was your question? The Second - I’m rubber and your glue, whatever you say emboldens the enemy and sticks OH MY GOD IS THAT A BOMB!?!, oh no it’s not, sorry, what was your question? Neither approach can qualify as an argument…or thinking.)

So you may need to rethink your sticker there…hehe, I said rethink. As if you did the first time.

Here endeth the bitchfest.

**Excerpt from Episode 22 of the podcast**
Anyway, let’s clear things up for anyone who hasn’t quite gotten it quite yet…with a little angry hippie vocabulary lesson.

Vegetarian - Noun
A person who does not consume any animal flesh as part of their diet. It does not matter if this flesh is whole, chunked, ground up, or liquified for a nice smooth drinkable coronary, it doesn’t matter where the animal comes from either. Be it beef, pork, foul, or fish, that’s right, contrary to popular misguided idiocy, beings that were sentient in water, don’t magically become plant matter once you pluck them from their water source they just become much less sentient. Do not confuse this new subdued deathly sentience with a total lack of any sentience ever…it still once was a living, functioning, mobile, centrally nerved being. Therefore, eating any of these forms of ‘animal flesh’ is not vegetarian! Not even a fucking little bit!

Now vegetarians tend to eat cheese, which I guess, could be considered vegetarian, hell I considered it vegetarian when I was vegetarian, because I never related the fact that veal production in this country is actually related to the dairy industry. I had never made that connection and as a result, I continued to partake in a product that directly cost lives, which for me went against the whole purpose for making the change in the first place. For those of you who don’t know, cows have to have just given birth in order to produce milk….just like every species of animal that produces milk for it’s offspring. So they continue to impregnate them at every available opportunity and then they take the young baby cows and the males are shipped off crated and chained to prevent muscle development and detenderize the young calf. Then they are killed and served as veal (because you have to have some way to get rid of that excess without costing too much time and space to those in charge). Despite this fact, most vegetarians continue to eat cheese, and eggs…that’s a vegetarian.

Strict Vegetarians - extreme noun
A person who does not consume any animal flesh (no matter, as previously mentioned how it is prepared, processed, or plucked from the sea), nor do strict vegetarians consume dairy or egg products. They also limit their angsty animal cruelty exploitation evasions to their dietary intake, and continue to buy, support, and use products that are still derived from animals such as leather, wool, silk, or fur.

Vegan - hardcore noun
A person who lives their life to avoid the exploitation of animals in whatever form they find it. They try, knowing that some products aren’t derived in any other way, to keep their lives free from this kind of cruelty. I qualify this, because, as a member of modern society, we are forced to exist in a capitalistic world that works against us and our goals. The roads we drive on, the medicines that keep us well, and many other areas of our society that we depend on that will unfortunately not catch up to this point until the rest of the world makes it too unaffordable for them to continue their wicked ways. Where vegans do not compromise, for their vanity, status, or their diets! And to be clear, honey is an animal derived product that is a stored food source for a community of creatures, vegans do not eat honey!!

Anyone claiming to be any of the above, that continue to consume products that are not consumed under the above defined terms, see Bullshitatarian…

Bullshitatarian - weak-ass noun
A person who claims to be a vegetarian or vegan for purely self-congratulatory, trendy, or otherwise wankful, wise-ass purposes, but fails to meet the fairly simple and easy to live up to definitions and guidelines of said terms and conditions.

Here endeth the lesson…